Since starting Caregiver Collaborative we have heard from several of you that you had never thought of yourself as a caregiver. You have expressed that it is “just what you do” for your parents, your husband, your daughter, etc. While I recognize this may be true, it also doesn’t give you credit for the tasks you do to care for your loved one. I know that caregiving isn’t typically done for the recognition and credit, but I think in this context it is important to give yourself the credit and this blog post is going to tell you why.
If you don’t recognize yourself for the caregiver you are, you may find yourself giving so much of your time and energy to caregiving tasks that you don’t have enough left for the other parts of your life or to care for yourself. If you don’t see yourself as a caregiver, the resources and support that is available may seem like it is meant for others and not you.
Caregiving looks so different in different situations. Many people think that caregivers are only the people who live with their care recipient, who help them with activities of daily living like bathing or dressing, and are there for almost every minute of every day. In reality caregiving is still caregiving even if it is done on an as needed basis or only on certain days of the week. Here are some examples of caregiving tasks that many people may not think about:
- Making and/or attending appointments
- Picking up medications
- Completing forms and paperwork
- Checking and organizing the mail
- Shopping for groceries, household items, clothing, etc.
- Cleaning and maintaining their home
- Making extra calls or visits a part of your routine to ensure that they aren’t alone and there is someone checking in
- Financial assistance like bill payment or cosigning on financial transactions
- Navigating insurance and other benefits
This is not an exhaustive list. There are endless ways that people provide care for their loved ones. Caregiving evolves over time and as people’s needs change. You may find that there are times of the year where you have more caregiving responsibilities than other times (insurance open enrollment, annual physical or appointment check ups, tax season, holidays, etc.). If your loved one receives a new diagnosis or gets injured you may see an increase in the person’s needs, or you may not, and that’s okay, too. There isn’t a specific formula or a number of minutes that have to be met before you are considered to be a caregiver. You are a caregiver the moment you start providing care for someone who isn’t yourself. It’s that simple.
When I have asked some of you why you don’t think you are a caregiver the second most common response beyond the “it’s just what you do” answer is because of comparison. Comparison is a common pitfall for many people and caregivers are not exempt. So many caregivers have thoughts that they shouldn’t complain or they aren’t really providing care because their loved one isn’t as sick as other people and they don’t require as much care or it’s only short-term care. This is called comparative suffering and it is rarely helpful. When we engage in comparative suffering we diminish our feelings and invalidate our experience. Overtime, this can breed resentment and make us feel isolated and alone. The truth is that that person may have a harder or different caregiving journey than you, and that doesn’t make yours any less important or valid. We truly believe that caregivers need to feel connected and supported in order to provide the best care for their loved one, and themselves.
The moral of this story is that it is important to recognize yourself as the caregiver you are. Give yourself credit for the things you do each day to touch the life of your loved one. And yes, you may be doing this because it’s “just what you do” but the truth is we all make choices and you are choosing to provide care to your loved one. When you take on this mindset it can also start to shift your perspective and you may see that you don’t have to be the one to do all of the things. You can ask for help. You can seek support and guidance from others. This mindset is the foundation for maintaining a healthy balance between all of your roles, including caregiver.
We want to hear from you. How long have you been a caregiver and what other types of care do you provide for your loved one? Share in the comments or send us a message on Instagram: www.instagram.com/caregivercollaborative.
