Becoming a caregiver can be an overwhelming experience, especially if it happens suddenly and without warning. The pressure to act fast and become an expert overnight can make it hard to know where to start. Combine this with the emotions that come up when a loved one is ill or receives a diagnosis and it’s a recipe for confusion and overwhelm.
What we know is that caregivers often dive in headfirst and learn to swim through trial and error, exhaustion, and feeling alone. We hope that the tips below will support you as a new caregiver as you wade into the waters of caregiving. There are six areas that we would recommend that most caregivers focus on initially.
Immediate safety needs– this is priority one. Is the person safe at home with the level of support and resources available? If not, address those areas first. If safety is an immediate concern and your loved one needs someone with them 24/7 that may or may not be feasible for you to do for a short time. We can assure you that it isn’t sustainable long term to be the ONE person who has to be there at all times. You will need time away to run errands, go to work or appointments of your own, and take a break. Looking for a caregiver assistant or personal care assistant for your loved one may be a good goal, but if you need support immediately, think about who in your circle can spend some time with your loved one so you can step away. Look at what benefits are available through your insurance or the types of care being prescribed by their provider. If medical professionals are recommending a short-term placement in a facility we know that can be overwhelming and feel like you are abandoning your loved one, we also know that this type of placement can help you make arrangements for care and support that you and they will need once they are home.
Speaking of insurance…. Often a new diagnosis can result in a change in work status. This may mean that insurance benefits may need to be reevaluated. Did you know that there are insurance brokers who specialize in this? They know the ins and outs of the different types of coverages and, best of all, their services are often free! Insurance is often overwhelming so asking the experts can be a huge relief.
Be prepared with a list of providers, medications, and medical equipment that needs to be covered by a new plan. Also have an idea of your budget. These pieces of information are helpful for the broker to understand the needs you have and find the best coverage options.
You can find local insurance brokers online. Read reviews and, if possible, ask for recommendation from a social worker or care coordinator if there is one available through your insurance, clinic, or hospital.
Schedule the necessary appointments for follow up or specialists, and make sure they are written down or tracked in a calendar app. Don’t rely on memory for this one! Missing appointments can be detrimental to the care received or result in missed appointment fees. If you aren’t sure of what appointments need to be prioritized or what the correct order for follow up is, ask the doctor or clinic staff for more information. Some people prefer to put all appointments on one day while others spread them out. It will take some time, and possibly exhausted days, to figure out what works best for your situation. It also may depend on the type of appointment.
Get organized. This is a personal process as what works for you may be different than what works for someone else, but we recommend creating lists of doctors, medications, and schedules. This is also a good time to make sure that all legal paperwork and advanced directives are in order and you know how to access them. Advanced directives should be on file with the person’s primary care clinic. If your loved one is hospitalized, make sure to share if they have an advanced directive with the hospital staff.
Don’t forget about YOU! Likely you will be so focused on your loved one that your care and needs will take a back seat. That’s understandable, but know that the longer that happens the harder it is to refocus on yourself later. Schedule breaks, drink water, set goals for movement, get outside. Whatever makes you feel like you!
Often new caregivers underestimate the power of small breaks. It can feel like there isn’t a benefit to stepping away for 10 minutes when there is so much to do. But the reality is you will be more effective as a caregiver if you do take some time to think about other things, meet your basic needs, and find moments in your relationship with your loved one that aren’t focused on their illness or you providing care. By doing this you will be able to feel more refreshed and focused as you navigate being a new caregiver.
Ask for help. You cannot and will not be an expert overnight. There is so much information online, but that can also be a slippery slope. Make sure your info sources are trusted and reliable. We have all Googled something online and found the worst case scenario. We don’t want that for you. You can ask the doctors involved in their care for resources and where you can look for more information about your loved one’s specific diagnosis or need.
You aren’t meant to be a caregiver alone. Make a list of all the people in your life that you can depend on and then, without overthinking it, brainstorm a list of what you are going to need or want help with. Remember nothing is a bad idea when you’re brainstorming. From there match those needs with the person who is best suited to assist you in that area. Send them a text or give them a call and ask for help. You will be amazed at how responsive people are. Often people want to help, they just don’t know how.
We believe in the power of therapy and this may be a time where you consider seeing a therapist to help navigate the emotional side of caregiving. We will dive into the emotions that arise for caregivers (spoiler alert: they are different for everyone) in a future blog post, but there is something so impactful about being able to talk through your specific situation and how you are feeling and get support for how you can best navigate the waters of caregiving.
If you take one thing away from this blog post we hope that you realize that if you are feeling overwhelmed or unprepared that you know you are not alone and you will get more confident in your abilities to care for your loved one. We are here for you as you navigate your caregiving journey.
