Lately I have been feeling a bit uncertain of myself and whether or not I have what it takes to be successful in my role at Caregiver Collaborative. I have had many moments, days, or weeks where I sit down to create posts for Instagram or write a blog post and my mind is blank except for the thought “what could I possibly contribute”. It’s hard to say this outloud, or in print, to the very audience that I am so desperately wanting to support and build community with, but one of my values is authenticity so here goes.
I am not a caregiver. I’m not a parent. I’ve never been a caregiver in the traditional sense. Of course I have had periods of time where I have helped to care for people: my sick husband, babysat my nieces and nephews or friend’s children, or showed up in short stints for friends or family members who needed some extra care for whatever reason. When I think about my experiences caregiving in relation to many in this community it falls short and leaves me questioning if I have enough experience and wisdom to really accomplish the goals of Caregiver Collaborative: to support underrepresented and young caregivers in knowing they aren’t alone in their journey, have the resources they need, and help them to take care of themselves in addition to others.
The truth of the matter is that while I have not been a caregiver in my personal life I have cared for many clients throughout my career. I, like many of you, have been the go-to person when something goes wrong, when they don’t feel well, when they get sent to the hospital, when someone upsets them. I have walked beside so many families as they provide care for their loved one in a system that doesn’t meet their needs or allow space for them to live into the non-caregiving parts of their relationship with their loved one.
While I have never cared for a parent or my own child, I know how to advocate for others. I know that it’s ok to push back on doctors (respectfully of course) when they are dismissive or pushing an option you don’t feel comfortable with. I know about medications, how to get different types of packing that suit your needs, and how to keep track of possible side effects. I know what it’s like to see your phone ring at the end of a very long day and you know that if you don’t answer it will make tomorrow harder but you don’t have a drop of energy left to give. I know that sometimes you can have all the money and resources in the world but that doesn’t heal people or create the right option for the person’s care.
I say this not to brag about myself or my knowledge. I say this because even when our experiences are not exactly the same as other people’s experiences, they are valid and they help to shape who we are. I know that I am not alone in feeling ill equipped or uncertain that I have what it takes to be successful. When we discount our experiences we never win. We feel deflated, unworthy, and typically pretty lonely. It becomes harder to accomplish what we set out to do. We may quit or shy away from the situation at hand because we doubt that we have what it takes. When in reality, the skills we have learned and honed in our previous experiences allow us to be better prepared for our current situation.
It’s all about our perspective and how we choose to use the experiences and situations we have been through. We have the option to forget about it all and leave all that knowledge on the table. Or we can choose to use it as a foundation and use all of those transferable skills to better our current situation. I am choosing the latter option. I know that I have what it takes to be successful and support caregivers because I have done it before, and so have you!
Perhaps your corporate job has helped you be assertive and ask hard questions. Maybe working in retail or food service has helped you hone your skills in patience and kindness even when those you are talking to are impatient and unkind. Maybe the fact you moved around as a child has allowed you an ability to build relationships quickly and find common ground with others. Perhaps you lived with roommates who took advantage of your generosity so you had to learn how to set and keep boundaries (or maybe you didn’t ever set boundaries but now see the value in doing so).
If you find yourself in a similar headspace that is full of self-doubt, here are some questions to consider.
- What situation is making me doubt myself and my abilities?
- What is it about that situation that I feel least prepared for? What do I feel most confident in?
- Are there situations in my past where I had to exhibit similar qualities, gain relevant knowledge, or overcome similar challenges? If so, what were those and how can I use those experiences in my current situation?
- If I am still feeling ill equipped or know there is knowledge I need to gain, where can I go to get help and learn what is needed?
You may reflect on these questions and still feel doubt about your abilities and skills or identify knowledge gaps, and that’s ok. My hope is that you can shift your perspective and see all the ways that you are prepared to navigate the challenges and changes in your life because you have done it before. You are not starting from zero. You have skills and knowledge that you can draw from, you just have to tap into it.
If you found this post to be helpful, let us know in the comments or send it to a friend!